Decide Your Path : The Story of a man and his Street

That day, I was reading the Internet forum i frequent daily and saw an article posted by a member. The title? Would U marry U? My..isn't that an interesting question? I chuckled at the words on my laptop screen. The title was certainly interesting enough to make me sit up immediately, and honestly, I was curious to see how people would response!

A few minutes reading the article, I just sat there, with my back against the chair, pondering. The article had asked me to think of all my own behaviors and habits and ask myself this one, vital question:

-If I met a person (i.e myself) who had this list of characteristics, behaviors and attitudes, would I marry her?

I was supposed to reflect on my current behaviour and this is the key: not the behavior or character I wish to possess in the future. The evaluation period is now, current, present and at-this-instant behavior.

I began pondering. This method is excellent. Hmm..Would I marry Me? Surprisingly, I found my honest self saying, :' Mybe', instead of 'Definitely', or 'Of Course!'. So, I then asked myself what things i should do t help me to chnge my answer from a maybe to a definite yes? And so, I started creating another list.

This method is great that I decided to use the same line of questioning on myself for other things, too like: Would I befriend me? Would I trust me? Would I love me? Would I boss me? Would I student me? Or, maybe even: Would I daughter me? Okay, I know the last three sound a little bit weird, but I think you know what i mean, right?

To make it more understandable, you can rephrase the questions in another format: Would I take me as a friend? Would I trust a person like me? Would I love a person like me? Hmmm...

I was quite amused by the answer I gave to each of my questions. The results confirmed that i am only human (duh), so many weaknesses (double duh!) and I could definitely benefit from some behavioral changes. Definitely. I smiled while looking at the honest-to-goodness list about myself as I realized that this article was about to change. Improving oneself. Making the effort, Transformation. Alteration.

It presented a lovely method for self-assessment for our current character and everyday behavior. No multiple-choice questions a list of mismatched answers to tell us who we are. Just one question, and we do our own thinking for answers.

Allah, our creator, has told us the importance of taking responsibility for our actions:

         (To any of you that chooses to press forward, or to follow behind - Every soul will be (held)     in the pledge for its deeds) ( Al-Muddaththir 74: 37-38)

Subhanallah.  We will be asked by Allah to account for our individual actions, and the most important thing will be that we are responsible and accountable for them. Responsible and accountable. Two words that give me sleepless nights..

Remember this Hadith:

Abdullah ibn Umar narrated that the Messenger of Allah said, "Every one of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charges. The ruler who has authority over people, is a guardian and responsible for them, a mas is a guardian of his family and is responsible for them; a woman is a guardian of her husband's house and children and is responsible for them; a servant is a guardian of his master poverty and is responsible for it; so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your charges." (Al Bukhari and Muslim)

Because of the above hadith, I know in my heart that I must chnage nad modify anything within me that is inconsistent with my deen (religion), because, one day, I will be questioned by my Lord. That has made me realize something profound. Just imagine, my name being called out in front of the whole of mankind, everyone from Adam to the last man born, all eyes looking at me...then, all my wrongdoings made public and shown to everyone. How awkward, how embarrassing and how humiliating it would be. I don't think  I could face that. I don't think I could. Just thinking about it makes my knees tremble. Astaghfirullah. Forgive me, my Lord...

I need to save myself from all those possible humiliating moments. I know that I need to change whatever is not good within myself, bit by bit. Its is going to take some time. But, I have to do it.

I remember the advice of my beloved Prophet (peace be upon him):

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Whoever, among you, sees something abominable should rectify it with hid hand; and if he has not strength enough to do it, then he should do it with his tongue; and if he has not strength enough to do it, (even) then he should (abhor it) from his heart, and that is least of Faith." (Muslim)

I have always heard this hadith being used by Muslims when analyzing the behavior of others. I feel, however, that the advice from my Prophet (peace be upon him) can be applied to one's own behavior.

He (peace be upon him) said that, if we see something abominable, we should rectify it with our hands. Hands, according to the scholars, refer to actions. So, if I discover that there are things in me that are not good, shouldn't I also apply this hadith to myself?

I believe so. Yes, this means that I should modify whatever behavior is not desirable, right? Change it with my hands. Change it with actions - actions that would help alter my current behavior to a new one consistent with what Allah wants.

I know I have to do it myself, because Allah has said in the Glorious Qur'an what can be translated as:

(This is because Allah has never changed a favor which He has conferred upon a people until they change their own condition; and because Allah is Hearing, Knowing, (Al- Anfal 8:53)

Unless I change my own behaviors with my own actions, they will remain the same. Allah will not change them for me, if I, myself, refuse to change what I do, or who I am, right now. It is all up to me. It is si obvious, so clear. Change myself, or else I will never change. Allah says He will never change anyone until they change themselves.

N-E-V-E-R.....

Translation from: Life is an Open Secret

Curahan Hati Kecilku...

Mngkin ada betulnya kalu kite kalu selalu berdmping ngan seseorg akan jd boring sbb cm no colour of rainbow that always shine b4...cube la tpuk dada n tanya hati...

Pernah x, kalu korang just kuar ngan seseorg yg korg kenal then tibe2 hati kite tringat je kt otg lain..so mood trus je spoil kan..walaupon pd dasarnye kuar 2 tok hepykan ati ni kan....kesian kawan yg temankan kite 2 kan,..nk pura2 tp xpndai nk memipu kerna ekspresi muke tph mnyatakan seluruh isi hATI kecil ini...

Ya Allah, betapa aku xdak mahu tok melukakan hati sesiapa pon yg ku temui kerna itu aku lbh suke mnyendrikan dri sahaja gar semua org xsedar akan kehadiranku ini...rasenye xsalahkan berbuat sedemikian sbb aku xmelibatkan sape2 pon lam hal n kegiatan aku,...tp mngkin ade juga yg akan trluka kerna sikap ku ini..aku x sombong cume xmau mnjdi peramah n akan mmbuatkn ati org trluka n lg parah lagi sekiranya pe yg dimahukan xdapt tok aku tunaikan..

Jd lbh baik sndri dr mnyakiti hati org n yg lbh skit lagi adlh hatiku sendri,...mmg cinta mmerlukan pengorbanan n aku x minta serta x akan ungkit pon pe yg penah ku beri or ku curahkan selama ini..kerna semuanye ikhlas dtg dr hati...tp aku xboleh sekiranya ade pngkhianatan dlm diam n xmngaku ngan perbuatannya itu,...sakit hati ini n lukanya sgt dlam...

Susah k untuk berlaku jujur dlm setiap masa kerna ianya umpama bhwa kita percaya...n tlong la jgn jdikan sy sbgai tmpt tok lepaskan kemarahan awk 2,..walaupon kdangkala kesalahannya hnya la minor shja..tp mngapa perlu hebohkan n spt nk mrah bagai nk rak...kerna dlm hati ade rse xpuas ati...sakit sgt hati ini hnya tuhan sahaja yg thu...org lain bolehl klu nk tipu,...jgn la kau tipu aku lagi,....kerna bile sesuatu itu sudah sebati lam diri kite..sukar tok dihapuskan walaupon sakit...kerna seolah2 telah sebati lam diri....

aku ingin bebas........

untuk sekian lamanya aq rse diriku dibelenggu dgn byk sgt bebanan...seseorg dr zaman silam ku yg masih menagih cintanya...walaupon pd dasarnya cintanya bukan milikku lagi...ke tlh merelakannya pergi n pasrah dgn ketentuanMu ya Allah...kerna smua yg berlaku pasti ada hikmah disebaliknya..aminn


rse bersalah ku pd zuriatku yg lme tlh x ku temui n jmpe,...msh ingatkah dy sape diri ku ini...sungguh kejamnya diriku kerna mmbuatnya bgini...aq cuma boleh mendoakannya agar dy selamat, sihat n dpat menjalani hidupnya spt org lain juga....


org yg suatu dulu aq syg...yg aq tlah mmberinya harapan serta diriku nhwa dialah yg terakhir dlm hidup ku....tp aq xnmpk pon perubahan ataupon perkembangan dlm titik noktahnya hubungan kami ini..smpai bila keaddan ini akan berterusan...hingga mnybbkan aq penat tok menunggu kesudahannya..kerna bukan kami tetapi hnya dia je yg mnjadi keutmaannya dlm sesuatu jerja yg dilakukan....


sehinggakn ibu bapaku sentiasa mndesak smpai bile hubungan kami ini....xkan tiada noktahnya..adakah dy hnya mmpermainkan ku...kerna bgnya ini hnyalah perkara yg remeh shja...tiada lbh dr itu..n xpyah nk difikirkn sgt...apa yg pnting skrg adalah mncari kerjaya yg sesuai n berjaya lam pe yg dy lakukan....tp aq bgaimana?


jd aq tlh mngambil keputusan tok meneruskan hidup ku sendri lagi..kerna senang bgku tok bergerak..tiada siapa yg akan mrah atau ambil peduli...biarla...yg aq ad hnyalah kedua ibu bapaku yg sentiasa mnyokong dlm pe jua yg aq lakukan....


 aq harus fikir ttg diriku dulu baru org lain..sygi diriku lbh dr org lain...aq ingin bebas bergerak bak burung di langit...tnpa d pe2 hlangan dan juga sesiapa yg mengarahknnya....ya allah, aq bermohon kpdMu agar dideri hidayahMu, petunjukMu dlm setiap pe yg aq lakukan agar aq lbh yakin...dlm setiap pe yg aq lakukan skrg...kau bimbingla ku ke jalan yg kau redhai ya allah..kerna aq keliru n sgt mndambaknMu..kerna kdg2 jiwaku kosong...smoga dipermudahkan segalanya...amin..

Tuhan tolong lembutkan hati dia

Untuk terima ku seadanya

Kerna ku tak sanggup

Kerna ku tak mampu

Hidup tanpa dia di sisi ku

Tuhan aku tahu banyak dosa ku

Hanya ingat Kamu kala duka ku

Namun hanya Kamu yang mampu membuka

Pintu hatinya untuk cintaku

Malam kau bawalah rinduku

Untuk dirinya yang jauh dari ku

Agar dia tidak kesepian

Selalu rasa ada cinta agung

Hujan bawa air mata ku

Yang mengalir membasuh luka ku

Agar dia tahu ku terseksa

Tanpa cinta dia di hatiku

Hanya mampu terserah

Moga cahaya di penanti

Tuhan tolong lembutkan hati dia

Untuk terima ku seadanya

Kerna ku tak sanggup

Kerna ku tak mampu

Hidup tanpa dia di sisi ku

P/S: RENUNG

adakah hatimu milikku selamanya??????

Pernahkah engkau hargai
Cintaku yang sejati
Pernahkah engkau mengerti
Akan diriku ini

Betapa hebatnya cintamu
Memberiku sejuta pilu
Betapa agungnya asmaramu
Membuatku terpaku

Di sisimu aku terdiam seribu bahasa
Di hatiku bergetar sejuta rasa
Namun sukar untuk aku meluahkan
Ku cinta padamu

Nafasku terhenti bila melihat dirimu
Terasa batas degupan jantungku
Mungkinkah hatimu milikku jua
Ku sayang padamu

Kan kuabadikan dikau
Suatu kenangan yang manis
Yang tak mungkin aku lupa
Untuk selamanya

Kan kucoretkan kenanganmu
Dalam sanubariku ini
Dapat jadi yang terindah
Di dalam hidupku ini

Bagai bahtera yang dilanda badai
Gelora cintamu
Mengoncang jiwaku
Berombak mencari
Daratan yang damai
Ohhh cintaku

Aku coretkan kenanganmu
Dalam sanubariku ini
Agar jadi yang terindah
Dalam hidupku ini

p/s: adakah aq hanyalah boneka yg kau jadikan sbg sandaran tnpa ad pe2 perasaan???????

kisah dongeng........

Ku sedar ku tak seberapa
Jika dibanding mereka
Yang jauh lebih megah dari diri ini

Apa yang mampu ku berhias
Hanyalah hati yang ikhlas
Terpendam simpan untuk dia yang sudi

Mencintai aku dengan seadanya
Mencintai aku bukan kerana rupa
Dalam waktu sedu
Dalam waktu hiba

Ku harapkan dia rela

Mencintai aku dengan seadanya
Sanggup menerima insan tak sempurna
Atau mungkin cinta sebegitu hanya
Kisah dongeng saja

Belum pernah ku merasakan
Dipeluk dalam dakapan

Eratnya melindungi jiwa rapuh ini

Sanubariku memerlukan
Kehadiran seorang teman
Tulus mencurah kasih sepenuh hati

p/s..kdang2 kite xtaw pon cerite cinta kite mcm kisah dongeng yg xmsuk akal...hihihihi...

happiness and sad at the same time...

this week was the happiest day of my life.....he pamper me, cherish me 24/7...all that i want he will try to find and get it....whether is hard or not but at least he try 4 me...felt so hepy at that time...just like we live in this world only both of us....at first he just send me 2 work n fetch me right after that..then its became his everyday routine,........and if i on leave he will accompany me n we go for a walk.........


but it was not always the same..he is about 2 leave me 2 go 2 china with his friend....i don't know how long...it will make me feel so lonely and sad at the same time.....cos he just lighten up my life then gone for a while..not fair enough 4 me, u know?


just after he gone,...i felt an emptiness in my heart felt like it has been taking away from me...felt like a hole inside me...its take 4 a while 4 me 2 stabilize to u about the feeling...from the bottom of my heart...after he left just keep on silent 4 a while,,,


but tonight,..like allah hear my voic e and prayer...he just call b4 this...feel so hepy and also sad...myb the tear is a tear of joy 4 the time being...thank u syg sbb bertnyakn kbar...alhmdulillah...everything unsuspected has happen..just like we don't  hve any thing that plan 2 happen...miss u darling...