That day, I was reading the Internet forum i frequent daily and saw an article posted by a member. The title? Would U marry U? My..isn't that an interesting question? I chuckled at the words on my laptop screen. The title was certainly interesting enough to make me sit up immediately, and honestly, I was curious to see how people would response!
A few minutes reading the article, I just sat there, with my back against the chair, pondering. The article had asked me to think of all my own behaviors and habits and ask myself this one, vital question:
-If I met a person (i.e myself) who had this list of characteristics, behaviors and attitudes, would I marry her?
I was supposed to reflect on my current behaviour and this is the key: not the behavior or character I wish to possess in the future. The evaluation period is now, current, present and at-this-instant behavior.
I began pondering. This method is excellent. Hmm..Would I marry Me? Surprisingly, I found my honest self saying, :' Mybe', instead of 'Definitely', or 'Of Course!'. So, I then asked myself what things i should do t help me to chnge my answer from a maybe to a definite yes? And so, I started creating another list.
This method is great that I decided to use the same line of questioning on myself for other things, too like: Would I befriend me? Would I trust me? Would I love me? Would I boss me? Would I student me? Or, maybe even: Would I daughter me? Okay, I know the last three sound a little bit weird, but I think you know what i mean, right?
To make it more understandable, you can rephrase the questions in another format: Would I take me as a friend? Would I trust a person like me? Would I love a person like me? Hmmm...
I was quite amused by the answer I gave to each of my questions. The results confirmed that i am only human (duh), so many weaknesses (double duh!) and I could definitely benefit from some behavioral changes. Definitely. I smiled while looking at the honest-to-goodness list about myself as I realized that this article was about to change. Improving oneself. Making the effort, Transformation. Alteration.
It presented a lovely method for self-assessment for our current character and everyday behavior. No multiple-choice questions a list of mismatched answers to tell us who we are. Just one question, and we do our own thinking for answers.
Allah, our creator, has told us the importance of taking responsibility for our actions:
(To any of you that chooses to press forward, or to follow behind - Every soul will be (held) in the pledge for its deeds) ( Al-Muddaththir 74: 37-38)
Subhanallah. We will be asked by Allah to account for our individual actions, and the most important thing will be that we are responsible and accountable for them. Responsible and accountable. Two words that give me sleepless nights..
Remember this Hadith:
Abdullah ibn Umar narrated that the Messenger of Allah said, "Every one of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charges. The ruler who has authority over people, is a guardian and responsible for them, a mas is a guardian of his family and is responsible for them; a woman is a guardian of her husband's house and children and is responsible for them; a servant is a guardian of his master poverty and is responsible for it; so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your charges." (Al Bukhari and Muslim)
Because of the above hadith, I know in my heart that I must chnage nad modify anything within me that is inconsistent with my deen (religion), because, one day, I will be questioned by my Lord. That has made me realize something profound. Just imagine, my name being called out in front of the whole of mankind, everyone from Adam to the last man born, all eyes looking at me...then, all my wrongdoings made public and shown to everyone. How awkward, how embarrassing and how humiliating it would be. I don't think I could face that. I don't think I could. Just thinking about it makes my knees tremble. Astaghfirullah. Forgive me, my Lord...
I need to save myself from all those possible humiliating moments. I know that I need to change whatever is not good within myself, bit by bit. Its is going to take some time. But, I have to do it.
I remember the advice of my beloved Prophet (peace be upon him):
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Whoever, among you, sees something abominable should rectify it with hid hand; and if he has not strength enough to do it, then he should do it with his tongue; and if he has not strength enough to do it, (even) then he should (abhor it) from his heart, and that is least of Faith." (Muslim)
I have always heard this hadith being used by Muslims when analyzing the behavior of others. I feel, however, that the advice from my Prophet (peace be upon him) can be applied to one's own behavior.
He (peace be upon him) said that, if we see something abominable, we should rectify it with our hands. Hands, according to the scholars, refer to actions. So, if I discover that there are things in me that are not good, shouldn't I also apply this hadith to myself?
I believe so. Yes, this means that I should modify whatever behavior is not desirable, right? Change it with my hands. Change it with actions - actions that would help alter my current behavior to a new one consistent with what Allah wants.
I know I have to do it myself, because Allah has said in the Glorious Qur'an what can be translated as:
(This is because Allah has never changed a favor which He has conferred upon a people until they change their own condition; and because Allah is Hearing, Knowing, (Al- Anfal 8:53)
Unless I change my own behaviors with my own actions, they will remain the same. Allah will not change them for me, if I, myself, refuse to change what I do, or who I am, right now. It is all up to me. It is si obvious, so clear. Change myself, or else I will never change. Allah says He will never change anyone until they change themselves.
N-E-V-E-R.....
Translation from: Life is an Open Secret
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